Still Too Much of Me!

It has been a long time between blog posts and for that I am sorry.  Much has happened since my last one and I have had to deal with some pretty heavy issues as well as a lot of soul searching going on.  I have also just completed a ministry break where I pulled away from all ministry and church related activity to seek God on some big questions.  This time away has been very refreshing, reviving and it has enabled me to refocus on what is going on and what is ahead.

One of the main dilemmas I was facing was the current direction of my preaching and general direction of CityWest Church.  The critics really came out of the woodworks and made their voices heard!  But that’s ok because even in the voices of the critics we can learn some valuable lessons.

So asking God if we are on the right track was a legitimate question, because maybe I’m getting this all wrong and I just dreamed up the idea that God drew nearer than ever before and was calling us to radical holiness.  I often said to the church that this is new for all of us and we are being refined.  Man, is that painful.  But during this renewing God really dug deep and confronted us at the very core of who we are, what we believe, what we want and where we’re going.

I think we are still broken from this process…awesome isn’t it!  Remember, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”  Psalms 51:17 (ESV) Let’s never see the brokenness that comes from God’s inner prodding’s as pointless because it is here that He shapes us, prunes and prepares us for greater things ahead.  Don’t lose sight of the big picture.

Whilst away from ministry God confirmed to me that HE started this, not me.  Sure, we have had to deal with some pretty intense situations and issues, but when our sinfulness and His Holiness collide we will always be hit hard.  He reminded me that His ways are not mine and if it was up to me we would still be going through the motions, keeping the people happy and stuck in maintenance mode.

It was then, in a conversation with my wife Caroline, that it was made clearer.  She said, “Think about it, we have seen people grow in maturity, be humbled, be broken by their sin, quick to repent, crave more of God and the intimacy He gives, pray more, and see lives come to a saving faith in Jesus.  How can this be wrong?”  She’s right.  We are dealing with the issue of the heart and not only filling heads with knowledge that create spiritual fatheads who are void of passion and heart for Jesus.  You see, knowledge is great and necessary but if it doesn’t drop down to the heart it becomes useless.

But what I love so much about what we have entered into is the obvious realisation that we are still too prominent in our lives.  We still occupy too much of the throne and we are still calling the shots.  Think about it, does Jesus really have control or does He have what only you decide to give Him, while you keep the most important bits to yourself?  Can we honestly say with confidence that we desire the same thing John the Baptist desired when he said in John 3:30, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”?  I’m really not sure.

In a recent article I read about how we view Jesus, the author wrote, “…many Christians [are] being distracted from the path of life by the overemphasis of who we are in Christ, rather than who He is in us. We do need to know who we are in Him, but the key word here is ‘overemphasis’. We will never be changed into who we are called to be by seeing our own glory, but rather by seeing His glory we are changed.”  I think that statement very accurately describes the message of today’s church.  We have shifted focus from Jesus, His glory, His Majesty and His power to how great we are, how favoured and blessed we are and how we are all destined for greatness!  That’s fine, but when we make such statements void of who JESUS is, our pulpits simply become a platform for motivational speaking rather than life-changing gospel preaching.

Sadly what this has done is create a sleepy and powerless church consumed with ‘self’ and Jesus has become a stranger in His own House.  We have more churches, more books, more websites, more conferences, more seminars, more audio files, more resources than ever in history yet we are more ineffective than the Church has ever been.

Why is this?  I think the answer is simple…there is still too much of “me” in all of us.

Please join me in this prayer for help…”Lord Jesus, for years I have done it my way.  Though this is celebrated in the world as a good thing, to You it is sinful.  Please forgive me for making it all about me.  I realise that I cannot be the person You want me to be if I am still calling the shots, so I willingly hand over my rights, my ambitions, my dreams, my desires, my beliefs and my attitudes that prevent You from doing a good work in me.  As You take these things from me, help me to let go and release control no matter how hard I want to hold on.  Help me to trust You more and love You more through the way I live.  I want You to shine and be glorified in this life and see many come to You because of Your love to me and through me.  I want to decrease as You increase and make it all count for something.  Teach me to reflect Your glory and not promote mine.  Teach me to see life through Your eyes and not through my self-centred ones.  Jesus, I love You and You deserve no less.  In Your Name and for Your glory I choose to live, Amen”.